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thanate(There are likely to be more of these, and in light of that this premise seemed a bit too silly to bother cleaning up to submit, so have a silly thing. Technically, the North American ground sloths were Eremotherium or Nothrotheriops, so I think that any official versions are liable to refer to her as Ground Sloth, but you'll all know better.)
Long ago, when the world was a little bit younger than it is now (though only a very little bit, for the world is much older than your great grandmother, and a long time to you doesn’t seem like very much to it) Megatherium decided to have a birthday party. Now, nobody had thought to have a birthday party before, so she didn’t have a cake, or candles, or presents, or any of the things that you would expect. Instead she prepared a huge feast with a whole oak tree, and osage orange branches with the fruit still on, and some tasty young pine needles for dessert. Then she invited everybody she knew: Mastadon, and Short-Faced Bear, and Dire Wolf, and Stag Moose, and Shrub Ox, and Condor, and Lion. And then she invited everybody you know: Bison, and White Tail, and Elk, and Black Bear, and Coyote, and Timber Wolf, and Human, and Raccoon, and Opossum, and lots of others. She invited the frogs and snakes and salamanders too, but they didn’t come because it was a long way, and they were afraid they might get stepped on.
A great many animals came to the party, but when it came time to eat, half the guests got all cross because their food was sitting around the dinner tables rather than on it, and Mastodon snuck into the kitchen and ate all the dessert. Human, who had brought some new sharp thing that everyone was getting very tired of hearing about, offered to make a fire and cook someone, but nobody listened to him. Raccoon wandered about on the table eating bugs out of other people’s branches, and on the whole nobody had any table manners whatsoever.
So Megatherium sent them all home, knocking together heads when necessary, and that is why to this day animals don’t bother to have birthday parties. Well, except for Human, but nobody listens to him.
Long ago, when the world was a little bit younger than it is now (though only a very little bit, for the world is much older than your great grandmother, and a long time to you doesn’t seem like very much to it) Megatherium decided to have a birthday party. Now, nobody had thought to have a birthday party before, so she didn’t have a cake, or candles, or presents, or any of the things that you would expect. Instead she prepared a huge feast with a whole oak tree, and osage orange branches with the fruit still on, and some tasty young pine needles for dessert. Then she invited everybody she knew: Mastadon, and Short-Faced Bear, and Dire Wolf, and Stag Moose, and Shrub Ox, and Condor, and Lion. And then she invited everybody you know: Bison, and White Tail, and Elk, and Black Bear, and Coyote, and Timber Wolf, and Human, and Raccoon, and Opossum, and lots of others. She invited the frogs and snakes and salamanders too, but they didn’t come because it was a long way, and they were afraid they might get stepped on.
A great many animals came to the party, but when it came time to eat, half the guests got all cross because their food was sitting around the dinner tables rather than on it, and Mastodon snuck into the kitchen and ate all the dessert. Human, who had brought some new sharp thing that everyone was getting very tired of hearing about, offered to make a fire and cook someone, but nobody listened to him. Raccoon wandered about on the table eating bugs out of other people’s branches, and on the whole nobody had any table manners whatsoever.
So Megatherium sent them all home, knocking together heads when necessary, and that is why to this day animals don’t bother to have birthday parties. Well, except for Human, but nobody listens to him.