the things we don't talk about
Aug. 15th, 2012 08:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thanateProbably a lot of my recent lack of talking back to the computer (it talks to me all the time, you understand) is just me going through that sort of phase, which happens. But there are also a pair of big world-changing things that I've only been talking around because... I guess I don't mind other people knowing about them, but I don't want to have to deal with the normal societal reactions to them, either.
In the unambiguously bad, after the whole losing his nouns for a day or so in Florida thing, my father was diagnosed with a rare and nasty form of brain cancer at the end of May. He's working through what options modern medicine can provide, but it's right in the middle of the language processing center of his brain, and most everything they've got is delaying tactics. On the up side, despite some understandable frustration and a little less recollection of whom he's told what than usual, he's in the top percent or two of high functioning with this sort of problem. So, still pretty much there, but nobody, including the experts, have any way to tell how long this will continue. The "good" guesses (based off of other people, so who knows, really) suggest that two years is beyond optimistic.
And so I'm not talking about it, because why spend more time being miserable than I have to? And what's anyone else going to say; "I'm so sorry?" I'm more sorry than you are. If you want to *do* something, go spend some time with someone whose absence would leave a great gaping hole in your world. You should be doing that anyway, but sometimes we all need reminding.
More ambiguous but (we hope!) positive, we're expecting a baby sometime mid-February (the ultrasound date is the 13th) which... I have been mostly not talking about because what's uppermost in my mind at the moment is wanting to complain about heat and tired and how I spent the last month and a half having to avoid anything vaguely smelly so I wouldn't have to run for the toilet. (And for someone who can still count on the fingers of one hand the times she's thrown up since about the age of eight... when two of those were in the month of July, that's a bit frustrating.) My cousin's wife was still on nightly IVs of extra high nausea meds in her 5th month just to be functional, so I'm aware that my problems are pretty minor, and they've mostly subsided in the last week or two anyhow (yay second trimester.) I'm still more tired than normal, and not eating enough lunch means I'm pushing non-functional by dinnertime, but the weather is cooperating, and I actually went out and did Useful Things today.
We're still both a bit confused by the people who say, "Oh, congratulations!!" (Um, we haven't really done anything yet. The hard part starts in another few months and continues off and on for probably the next twenty years.) And, like weddings, there's a huge cultural set of assumptions about pregnancy and early parenting that I don't really relate to most of. So, I'll probably be talking about pregnancy and baby planning and sudden realizations that winter babies mean an excuse for cute baby hats somewhat at random but it is highly unlikely that there will be baby showers (there may be a craft day/tea party instead, as friends are awesome and I'm liable to get even worse at spending time with them after the transition from parasite to symbiont phase) or gender coded pastel nursery decorating and the like. And while useful/interesting trivia and perspectives are welcome, I reserve the right to pretend I'm being the crazy sort of pregnant and ignore or delete any contentless "oh that's so awesome!" sorts of responses. Because sometimes life is too short to fill it up with platitudes, however well meant, even if you've every reason to expect you've got another fifty years.
Xposty from dreamwidth.
In the unambiguously bad, after the whole losing his nouns for a day or so in Florida thing, my father was diagnosed with a rare and nasty form of brain cancer at the end of May. He's working through what options modern medicine can provide, but it's right in the middle of the language processing center of his brain, and most everything they've got is delaying tactics. On the up side, despite some understandable frustration and a little less recollection of whom he's told what than usual, he's in the top percent or two of high functioning with this sort of problem. So, still pretty much there, but nobody, including the experts, have any way to tell how long this will continue. The "good" guesses (based off of other people, so who knows, really) suggest that two years is beyond optimistic.
And so I'm not talking about it, because why spend more time being miserable than I have to? And what's anyone else going to say; "I'm so sorry?" I'm more sorry than you are. If you want to *do* something, go spend some time with someone whose absence would leave a great gaping hole in your world. You should be doing that anyway, but sometimes we all need reminding.
More ambiguous but (we hope!) positive, we're expecting a baby sometime mid-February (the ultrasound date is the 13th) which... I have been mostly not talking about because what's uppermost in my mind at the moment is wanting to complain about heat and tired and how I spent the last month and a half having to avoid anything vaguely smelly so I wouldn't have to run for the toilet. (And for someone who can still count on the fingers of one hand the times she's thrown up since about the age of eight... when two of those were in the month of July, that's a bit frustrating.) My cousin's wife was still on nightly IVs of extra high nausea meds in her 5th month just to be functional, so I'm aware that my problems are pretty minor, and they've mostly subsided in the last week or two anyhow (yay second trimester.) I'm still more tired than normal, and not eating enough lunch means I'm pushing non-functional by dinnertime, but the weather is cooperating, and I actually went out and did Useful Things today.
We're still both a bit confused by the people who say, "Oh, congratulations!!" (Um, we haven't really done anything yet. The hard part starts in another few months and continues off and on for probably the next twenty years.) And, like weddings, there's a huge cultural set of assumptions about pregnancy and early parenting that I don't really relate to most of. So, I'll probably be talking about pregnancy and baby planning and sudden realizations that winter babies mean an excuse for cute baby hats somewhat at random but it is highly unlikely that there will be baby showers (there may be a craft day/tea party instead, as friends are awesome and I'm liable to get even worse at spending time with them after the transition from parasite to symbiont phase) or gender coded pastel nursery decorating and the like. And while useful/interesting trivia and perspectives are welcome, I reserve the right to pretend I'm being the crazy sort of pregnant and ignore or delete any contentless "oh that's so awesome!" sorts of responses. Because sometimes life is too short to fill it up with platitudes, however well meant, even if you've every reason to expect you've got another fifty years.
Xposty from dreamwidth.