That other thing

[thanate]

The baby is doing well; my father isn't particularly. Further aggressive spread of cancer; he's tired large amounts of the time and doesn't want to speak much or in a voice above a whisper. There's some other medical thing that's being added on, but it's expected to slow decline rather than restore anything. My parents are coming up for a couple hours most weekends to visit, and the Megatherium has even deigned to be awake and happy once or twice while they were here (though as far as I'm aware no one has managed to catch her smiling on camera yet...) but other than that it is mostly a thing I'm not looking at, letting my subconscious worry over the space between this time last year when I had the same awesome father I'd always had, and next year when I most likely won't. As these things work, then there are the moments where you're walking along on a lovely spring day and it bubbles back up again, and you have to stop and take a breath and decide to claw your mind back out of that hole instead of howling like your two-month-old (only far louder) in the middle of the sidewalk which would then set her off and leave me with a cranky baby and a headache for the rest of the day. Even grieving has its consequences, and I'd rather be happy while I can; there will be times enough when I can't.

I don't know if it's too late to ask the questions that children don't think to ask, or maybe just never get around to. I don't know if I know what any of those questions are.

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